Crossroads

Here I sit at 1 o'clock in the morning reading blogs. I've been sick for over a week. I'll feel bad then better then bad again. It really got me last night and I was up half the night, which didn't help me feel much better. I felt bad when I got home from church today and went to bed. David just let me sleep and didn't wake me for church. So now I'm still wide eyed. I just read sarah's blog and commented and the word verification was xroad. Got me thinking...

so many crossroads in my life. that crossroad from childhood to adolescence, adolescent, teen, adult...so quickly. the crossroad from single to married and living as one, then motherhood, and the only way to be whole is to split again and love one more...then two...then three. before you know it your at another crossroad...they aren't babies anymore. they're walking everywhere and talking and becoming little people! then the crossroad at the crosswalk or bus stop. oh my, do I really let him get on that bus alone and leave me standing here. what kinda mother does that, let's him go it alone! oh the crossroads of letting go. that's the most difficult. as soon as you start it's done...they're grown. then there is the crossroads of moving them away at college. oh my, what kinda mother does that, let's him go it alone! I always cried half the way home. now I leave them and still I cry. now they leave me...and still I cry.

and then there are those crossroads of change. leaving those we love and moving away. those are so hard. leaving the house where your babies were born and raised. the place you rocked them in the night, kissed skinned knees, comforted bad dreams, prayed with them to know Jesus, had tickling sessions, watched a little boy pack his bag to run away at 4, only to comfort him when he was to scared to step off the sidewalk. birthday parties and swimming in the back yard. running as fast as they could over the pasture to nanny's in the dark. slumber parties, then first dates, and late nights of broken hearts.

yet another...they fall in love. once they just loved you. now another. always letting go. then you discover the added blessing. another daughter, a new son. your heart begins to expand beyond what you could ever dream it could. then when you thought you're all loved out...a baby grand. you never knew this kinda love could even exist. another place in your heart literally grows. you can actually feel it. unexplainable. literally.

that first move was the hardest. but what I found was new adventures, not only for the kids but for me. new places, new worlds, new friends, new memories. new firsts in the new home. and then sad to leave again. I guess what I learned is the memories are always there...in your heart...in you. you take them wherever you go. the place they come home to is not a place but a heart.

and the adventures and people you meet along the way are so worth it. you just keep storing up the moments to go with you when you come to the next crossroad. because life is always changing, never staying the same, always an adventure. children move away and come back, friends move away. taking apart of you with them and leaving a part of them with you. that's what makes us who we are. all the people along the journey. bits and pieces. we're made up of bits and pieces of one another. no matter where life takes us, what changes take place, the crossroads are necessary.

so stop at the crossroad. look both ways. look back if you must. but cross.

there is so much more God has waiting...