30 years ago today...

how on earth could he be 30!

oh my goodness! i can not have a 30 year old child! that's what i want to scream! actually my child is a 30 year old man.

this precious child of mine, who taught me so much, and changed me so much has grown into such an amazing man. i'm so proud when he speaks of the things of God. he knows so much and understands so much. he prays so eloquently and preaches with such authority. he does demand respect. he is alot like his mama, but when i look at the man he has become, i realize he is his father's son. when i read sarah's words..."he demands respect, he's everyone's best friend", and what kind of father he is to his daughter and son. he is his dad.

sarah was talking about it the other day...what kind of effect we have on each other. we still know how to push each other's buttons. funny how no matter how old you get, what your mama says to you, positive or negative, still has such a great effect on you. and even more, as a mama, something about that first born does the same for you. maybe it's just me. maybe believing that i could have been such a better mama to that little boy, if i'd just been more patient with him would have allowed him to be more creative than he already was. that if i had played more instead of the other things i thought were important, the years wouldn't have seemed like they passed so fast.

when i look at you, landon, i know i did alright. i wasn't a perfect mama by no means. but God's mercy is great. i have had a hard time letting you be thirty. harder than accepting that i am 50. i guess it made me being 50 more real. you're a man now. when i looked at you this morning, i thought you looked taller...and wiser. i believe you are. at the same time you're hilarious. you make me laugh like no other. i am so blessed. i love you with all my heart. you left a little while ago and i remembered that i let you get away on your birthday without making you sit in my lap in the rocking chair. hehe.

happy, happy, birthday!